Red Skelton's tips on marriage , for those of us who are old enough to remeber him...............


1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.


2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.


3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.


4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary? "Somewhere haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.


5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.


6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.


7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."


8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.


9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"


10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.


11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "always."


12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.


13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"


Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it.........this is the old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word......just clean and simple fun!